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Saturday, February 11th, 2006
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12:48 pm
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um, I'm still alive. I haven't posted in ages, but I do read this thing. Anyhow um, update... I am alive, still dating sam, getting good grades, stressed to the breaking point, and socially retarded. Um, I've got a cough at the moment and am trying to do hwk but am way too medicined out of it to succede.
current mood:  morbid
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 21st, 2005
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4:21 pm
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Hey tommorow's a short day thanks to turkey-murday day. So I'm having people over after school. Anyone who's gonna be around, come over! It'll be fun, I promise. Yes I know this is last minute, but that's Galloway.
current music: Cranberries (they are my god <333)
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 18th, 2005
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10:40 pm
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Fri [December] 02 MASQUERADE - HEAVEN: x, juliana hatfield all ages 8pm, $20 (X feat. Billy Zoom, John Doe, Exene Cervanka and DJ Bonebreak)
AH! X is comming! Not to sound like a fucking fangirl but ::shrill screaming:: EIII! I'm going. ANyone else who's goign to be in Atlanta should come too!!
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 7th, 2005
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5:23 pm
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I think there is some sign or insight into human behavior to be gained from the study of the romans. Were their gladitorial "games" symbolic? I think human nature is revealed in it's ugliest, truest form. The people are faced with an inefective government and society. Class systems abused them, and the majority of people lived in flimsy wood huts likely to colapse or catch fire. Yet they did not rebel because they were ofered "bread and circuses" Politicians gave them some free or inexpensive food, enough to live, enough to make the politicians look like heros, and then they ofered "circuses" or free entertainment. Citizens in the roman empire celebrated 130 holidays per year. On these holidays common activities included watching gladiators (often captives) be forced to fight to the death or fight large wild animals. The slaughter of large animals greatly amused them. Several predatory species (such as certain species of lions and tigers) were pushed to extinction for the people's amuzement. The cruelty, bloody, and pain served to entertain the people, making them happy enough not to rebel. Yet their blood lust could not truly be quenched by watching animals be brutally destroyed, no, the people were at their most content when they could watch a human kill another. When a man tore another to peices and rolled in the blood, this is when the roman citizens were content and the politicians could feel safe in their regime, knowing there would be no rebelion. What does this say about humans??
current music: stiff little fingers
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 5th, 2005
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12:06 pm
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"Time's march is a web of causes and effects, and asking for any gift of mercy, however tiny it might be, is to ask that a link be broken in that web of iron, ask that it be already broken. No one deserves such a miracle."
-I am an atheist, I think the idea of praying to any kind loving all-powerful god is apsolutely rediculous. People try to tell me that "everythign happens for a reason". This is bullshit, do they realise what they are saying? They are saying their omnipotent, ever loving God really wanted every one of those children to be burned alive in the holocaust, wanted the people to be tortured for "His" sake in the inquisition, wanted every car wreck... that is a pretty fucked up god. No the God they describe can not exist, he is either not all-powerful, not all-knowing, not kind and loving, or just NOT THERE. Now praying: come now, children, do you really think "God" is up there listening to each and every prayer you make? He's gonna make your little wishes come true, yours and your neighbor's, and her neighbor's... Dear God, I need a new car or mommy can't get to work and we won't have money for vodka and Daddy will get mad...yes well the neighborsneed money to pay for little johnnies new liver after he got shot. Sweetie, God can't acomodate every fuckin' need. And would you want him to? Would you really want him to listen to your every thought? He's a pretty spiteful guy if you read your bloody "good book". Maybe that's why your preachers so liek to keep you feeling guilty? Maybe that's why you scrounge upo your dollar so maybe today you can have a little lunch and then end up giving it to the church (or synagoge or mosque or any other fucking thing) and eating naught but dust? Can you really love a god like this? Are you really so naive to believe he can exist in his perfect form? If you do, think closely... are you really goign to heaven? God is pretty spiteful if you read your "good book". Me I know I'm going strait to the bowels of bloody hell if "He" is up there. For one thing I'm questioning him right now...oops, siiin. For another, I'm unbaptised, it doesn't matter how christian your values may be, he can't love you if your parents didn't decide you would love him. Damn unbaptised babies, they deserve what they bloody get, to purgatory with their sinning little asses. I'm also a girl, and If you don't note the mysogyny inherent in the religeon, you are sadly blind my friend. I've lied, I've disrespected my parents, I've done tons of "awful" things. I am a sinner through and through, but what about you?? Did you have awful parents and once tell them to stop making racist jokes? Or maybe you fell in love and desided to celebrate your love without getting maried, maybe you were too lazy to get to up to work and played sick... I'm not saying you are a sinner, just that you might want to think about it. Question yourself, your beliefs, your life. After all, why would a religeon so true and based on facts fear letting you explore other theories to discover why yours is more correct? Isn't that why it's ok for you to learn science... oh wait. So maybe I piss some people off today, maybe that's what I want to do. Whatever it takes to make someone think.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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4:55 pm
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| Monday, October 24th, 2005
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6:30 pm
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Gah, technology is rediculous. I have a small plastic box. I press buttons with numbers and a voice sounds. I tell the small box I love it and it says it loves me too. A PEICE OF PLASTIC IS NOT A BOYFRIEND. phones are pathetic. And emails are callous and unfeeling in their black and white text. there are years of this to come... he has 3 3/4 years more at Reed, I haven't even entered college, yet I can't pronounce us doomed. I feel to strongly to give up hope. Well, moving on from my bitching and whining (I swear I'm nto going emo, really.) I got 235 combo on a standard level song in DDR, so um, go me. I have waaay too much work that I ahve been neglecting. I have my laptop back, but not anything that was on it, so I don't haev the password and it won't sne dit to my email, I think I must have given in a fake one to avoid spam. so yeah, that sucks. Mum's taking me to some psychological testing stuff, she says it's to see if I get extra time on the SAT, but It's clearly also to see if I'm going like she keeps saying I am. Great time for it too, I'm havign a hard time playing happy and Dad would kill me if they knew I'm depresed. He says I "don't ahve the right to be unhappy" after all, he gives me money, what mroe could a silly little teenage girl want?? Put down the fucking wine, shut the fuck up, get some therapy for your OCD, and stop being such a control freak. Oh well. I got some cat ears today. I know they're cliche, but these are fuzzy and black with black and white echeckered insides and you know how much I like black and white checkers. also got a stuffed animal spider ring. I've been working on cleaning my, i mena "claire's" room. I figure if I keep it clean they won't notice I'm slowly moving everything of mine down here and living here. THey aren't all that bright anyways, it's working so far. It's been a month or so of living here and they don't know. yay. Well yeah...
current music: Regina Spektor
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 28th, 2005
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5:50 pm - to: Mother Culture, Sincerely: your disgruntled toy
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I am not your doll, Society. Why can't you all understand that?? society gives us this short list of attributes and says "these are atractiveness", it gives a list of physical variables, a list of formulas, we do the math everyday believing everythign we're taught. "Blonde + blue eyes + pale skin + large breasts + small waist + round ass + NO THOUGHT = correct" THis formula says I am attractive. It tells me I am bautiful. The people around me believe this too. They never question the formula, they would never have questioned the flat shape of the world. Well, I am here questioning and I say, fuck you. I say i can be beautiful in any shape, any collor any "disformed" manner I choose. But apparently, I can't, not and lead a comfortable life. There is no comfort of the mind and body.
I submit as an example today's lovely occurance - I decided to dye my hair blue, I want to weed out those who would be unable to find me beautiful in anything but convential appearance from those who I bother speaking to. Upon informing my parents I was about to dye my hair, I was told that they would have no blue-haired-FREAK living under their roof. But threatening to kick me out of the fucking house was not sufficient, my mother chose to add that "I like taking you around infront of my friends and having them see what a pretty daughter I have". I am the fucking doll of my parents, I am the doll of my friends aswell. It's not only me, of course, you too are a doll, everyone is being dressed up to meet the desires of society. I told my mother I was not her doll and was met with indignation and selfrighteousness for not caring mroe about her feelings. Fuck you all, I will not dance on the stage of propriety. Screw off, Cultural Standards. When may I be my own? I want to be a "real boy".
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
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10:02 am
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My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?
hahaha, I'm not alowed in my own life. awesome.
anyways, I'm back from spain. 'twas awesome. More awesome was my Very NC17 last like 24 hours of welcome home the far majority of which time I have been with Sam, who even picked me up from the airport as mum didn't feel like driving. Everything was quite cool there. They are a very fun people. They don't check ID on Anything. You can go in the clubs, get shots, buy anything you fucking want, (maybe it helps to be a hot american, this seemed to impress alot of people)but yeah they don't check IDs. Also fun where the motorcycles. WHich Everybody has. Quite fun. I'm gonna miss their coffee. alot. Ours is swill. Only complaint was the food which they eat far too much of. I have no idea how we're fatter as they eat about ten times more. I'm 120lb, but w/e it looks good. Learned that tv thing wher you pull someone trying to tackle you and thus flip them over you isn't hard atleast, with water, which makes weight nonissue and running slow. Also had to make an asshole bleed for atempting to tackle me from behing (cheap!) and for not leaving Laura alone when she asked nicely about a hundred times. Over all very glad to be home to Sam, Jezzi, air conditioning, computer(!), refrigeration, and boys who hit on girls in less physically painful ways, thus eliminating the need for so much fighting when trying to enjoy the beach. To American boys and their non-caveman ways, I say thankyou. Now I have to go see baden as the fascist pig left half my schedule blank. <3
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 31st, 2005
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7:22 pm
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hey, I don´t have much time but yeah, I´m having a great time here in spain, my spanish is alot beter. I´m staying at this beautiful topless beach. I´ve gottra go. byes
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
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6:24 pm
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Tommorow I leave to go to spain. I will learn alot, but I am afraid to leave Sam. I won't see anyone for 3 weeks, talk to you all when I come home.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, July 15th, 2005
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1:13 pm
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ok, please- pleasepleaseplease someone come up with stuff I can do with laura, Activities that do not involve speach. I am at my wit's end. What the hell can I do???
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
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10:28 am
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| Sunday, July 10th, 2005
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1:06 am
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Cake (and stereophonics and ceasars) concert was quite fun. Asia-fest earlier today was cool too. I ahve very pretty henna up my hand and wrist. I'm soggywetcold but it was very fun in the rain. kept being in the front from being really miserable/hot. saw a girl who was either a scantily clad punk or a overdressed whore. who knows. Really high buckley black boots with spikes (which she used to kick the first round of bouncers)skirt like those beltlike ones only slit all but one inch up, and what was either a haltertop or a bra, who knows. lol. Bright red hair. She is totally my hero. Bouncers tried to drag her away, failed, called security, who failed and called police. 4 police guys finally dragged her away while she cussed at the pigs. They almost got her into the nearest building's door before she spit in the guy holding her neck's face and fought her way back into the croud. Totally my hero. Also cool where the guys climbing up telephone polls and jumping off the traffic signals. The apsolutely steady stream of croud surfers got annoying after awhile. Got tired of holding them and they sort of scared Laura. There were some pretty lame straitedge kids yelling at everybody around us about smoking not being cool. Usually I could sympathise cause like the smoke is digusting and forms a cloud and you smell like pot until you wash your hair but it was raining so it was jsut lame. But them who girls got in a fist fight next to them and they were scared and ran away haha. Anyways, it was a good night. I miss sam alot though. I'm really scared of him going to college. Also was thinking how wierd it will be when he turns twenty next summer, I mean me dating a non-teenager. But yeah Sam's awesome, I'm very happy of late. Tommorow we've got a little trip thing w/ Laura and Sam. Should be fun.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
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8:48 pm
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Oy, ok so Laura is here. She's sleeping now as it's about 3:00 her time. anyways, I didn't know that english is her 3rd language. aparently spanish as I try to speak it is her 2nd. thus my bad spanish is actually pretty hard for her to understand, let alone my english. Her first language is something called valenciana which is aparently similar to castellana. So uh, wish me luck everyone. For all in Atlanta, I want people to come on friday at 6:00 to meet her, we're having a small party. To the best I can tell she is at least quite nice. Oh any she gave me a necklace. It's preppy, but pretty. It's fun her clothes are exactlylike ours but different labels, so where our polo shirts have polohorses, hers have squirells. Well I hope this improves my spanish and doesn't completely destroy it from the mix of valenciana and español. Oh it's funny for here instead of chebere like in spanish she uses "Que Suay" to mean "cool" for the first half hour I could swear she was saying KY. Liz and I have desided KY should be the new cool lol. It works, the stuff is pretty cool haha. Please wish me luck, I must admit I'm scared. <333 Chelsea.
current mood:  frightened.
current music: trying to be very quiet.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
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9:12 am
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1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal.
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(21 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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11:12 pm
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It's been an eventful first week of summer. Can't really explain. went to a wedding, 'twas fun. Went to Savana, a mixture of bourgeois pricks and a nice palce so mixed experience. Came home and have scarecely parted from sam since (except for the 1am-10am part of the nights lol) Infact, he's napping next to me right now. Come to think of it I never posted any prom pictures nor anypictures of Sam so I'll add one to accomplish both before I go. ( Read more... )
current music: bjork
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 3rd, 2005
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7:08 am
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Hey, Getting picked up from my last day of school by Sam and his Mum and his best friend and going out to a wedding. Point being bye for a few days all, I didn't just disapear again, really Cara. lol.
current mood:  content
current music: I'm so bored with the U.S.A. - the Clash
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, May 27th, 2005
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12:52 pm
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So graduation was pretty cool actualy. (Sam just left btw). I expected it to be really sad but there were enough fun/funy parts to keep it pretty cool. Good night. Downside is its almost 1 am and my books with the hwk and lab I neeeeed to turn in to keep my grade a G not a S are in the back of his car so currently approaching little five points... oh well, I'll live. Have a grmmar exam tommorow, I really hate grammar. So yeah, didn't study but I think I'm just gonna give up and go to sleep now. I'm a bit screwed no matter what so might as well face my fate with anough sleep. So yeah, point of this post was to say that graduation was cool.
current mood: I don't even know, big mix.
current music: house on pooh corner... I hate them for geting it in my head
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 14th, 2005
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3:26 am
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